Date: Saturday, November 29, 2008
Time: 12:29:00 AM

As much as I hate you... my heart goes out to you as I read your blog entry. I am really sorry to hear that someone is trying to break your family. My sympathy goes to the children cos they don't deserved what you adults are doing.

As a woman, I've felt what it was like to have a third party ruining a relationship. That was when you came into the picture. But I managed to let it go cos I believed he was just meant not to be mine. Remember, 8 years ago I said this to you... "never build ur happiness on another woman's sadness. Cos one day, u'll be in that same position." See, now what's happening to your own marriage?

I am not saying that I want to have the last laughter. I am not gloating over your situation. Seriously, I am not. I was just shocked to read about what's happening right now. I hope you'll be strong to fight this obstacles. For the sake of the children, I hope you guys settle this problem peacefully.

And to the once upon a time ex-bf, I just want to tell you that how I lucky I am not to be with you though after the break up with u I'd faced more heartbreaks. Yes, I was utterly hurt when one day you said you wanted to marry her. But after some thoughts, I managed to let you go and be with her. It has been 8 frigging years since ur marriage with her. Do not give me the 7 years' itch crap ayte?

Please wake up. If it's not for her... for the children's sake. Why bother to have an extra marital affairs when you can't even make up your mind to decide?!

I'll pray that this matter will resolve soon all for the sake of the children.

Date: Sunday, November 23, 2008
Time: 9:19:00 PM

Ever since the exams ended last Monday, life has been good. Or even great! I never been any happier than like how I had felt over the last few days. As we know, I was really upset prior to the the exams but I am thankful to everyone cos I'd managed to get out of the shit quicker than I thought I could.

But right now.. I guess I am falling for somebody (yet, again!). But then again... I dunno if this time it's for real. I feel 'empty' when I don't talk to him. But I told him that I do not like him. Am I deceiving him or myself?? hmmz..

haiz.. tell me how do I solve this ??

Date: Friday, November 21, 2008
Time: 7:42:00 PM

Last night, I was busy chatting my way through the night. It all started with a 'Hi' to somebody. Somebody, that once upon a time, almost became THE ONE. I had a talk with him, albeit only a short 15 minutes cos he's at work. However short the conversation was, many info was exchanged in which contributed to the idea of a trip to THE BIG APPLE late next year or mid 2010. The plan will materialise depending on his plan of coming to town end of next year. Also, if I do find my PILOT, maybe there will be some changes too. But, I do want to go to NYC by mid 2010! I dun care!!!

In between that conversation, I also had a talk with a friend of mine and also another ex-JIan who's now in NTU. Both of them have a story to share and it was very insightful. But really one day, I do hope that we can bravely enough go up to each other and say HI. Just dunno why.. we're both so shy to say Hi to each other F2F.

Finally, I chatted with someone too. In the end.... I slept at 3 am! I woke up early this morning on the pretext of going for facial. After getting ready, the lady had to call me to inform that there was a power trip and we might not be able to go for the facial today! Bummer!!

In the end, I ended up going to KCK's warehouse sale and bought alot of stuff!! So exciting!! So today, I will try to sleep early cos there is so many activities to do!! *looks at i2*

and... I think... I am slowly but surely falling for that someone! hahhaa.. NYC!!

Date: Thursday, November 20, 2008
Time: 10:55:00 PM

I walked to Vivo today! And I just realised how near it was to walk over to Vivo!! And it's even nearer than walking to Tiong Bahru Plaza. (Yupz, aku suka buat kerja gila!)

It was sitting down writing cards, folding cards, chilling, talking and more talking. Nanti kita gi date lagi! Hehe...

On another note... I am back smiling all over again. I didn't realised that I am so going to get over and done with that disturbing issue this quickly!! Well, thanks to all the friends who stood by me during that dark 2 weeks.

I dunno why I am happy... but I do know something. I am planning for a trip to Europe maybe end next year but gonna put that on hold maybe till I find my REAL pilot. Hehe. Now, I am planning for a trip to NYC instead!! Excited. excited. EXCITED!!!

Ok, this is a reason why I am all smiles right now as I am typing this post. Some acquaintance that I knew of will be in NYC for the next 2 years. So, that gives me a reason to catch up with him and also shop for my Hershey's Symphony Chocolates!!! Really.. this time, I need to make it there!!

But... if he comes back here for a visit end of next year, then I will go over in June 2010. I really want to be there.. and who knows... the sparks might rekindle. And I might not need a pilot after all!

ooh.. I am going to do crazy things again!!

Date:
Time: 9:55:00 AM

A few nights ago.. I was feeling so bimbo! It was all because... I was so excited to msg him! Cos sometime back, he lost his fone and of course, he will lose my number. Furthermore, I changed my number ever since we first knew each other. Yeah in the end, hehz.. it was all so bimbotic! But it was a nice conversation altogether.

Now, it came to my thoughts that... I do seriously miss alot of people. I do seriously need to play my part and start catching up with them. oooh... I am so tired la.

Anyway, yesterday I was in JB with the two Ts. Haha.. it was so enjoyable and lepak. Bout the bangs... hmmz.. actually its nothing new. Had that before but yeah, it requires alot of getting used to it all over again. It had been what... closed to two years since i had bangs?! Hmmz..

The main talking point behind yesterday's outing was... the two Ts were so eager to pair me up with one of the two guys they thought is suitable for me. So merepek nak mampus sey! Hahahz..please eh ko orang stop it.

Actually... i have alot to say but a blardy phone call from a stupid indian man just had to interupt my train of thoughts. Now... i have forgotten what to blog! hmph! *wonders*.. why do Indian men like to make phone calls to my mobile?!!

Date: Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Time: 1:19:00 AM

Before I sleep.. I just feel like blogging something. I am meeting the ladies tomorrow. Excited cos we had planned this for like a long time now!! Meeting my beloved Atie, on Thursday! I hope I will give you the drive to do what need to be done. hehz. Meeting i2 on Friday. And Demsey after that.... still thinking. hehz. Not sure what I will be up to on Saturday.. but on Sunday.. a wedding of the ex-JI classmate! Nice nice!! It had been a long while since I last met most of them!!

Anyway, I was talking to i2 just now and we decided to come up with a list. Exciting!! But not going to say what list it is cos its really so-buruk lor... haha! But I am sure I am able to come up with a fantastic list. lol..

Suddenly, all these stuffs and assignments that I have, are making me happy; bringing back the me that I used to be. But I am a little disappointed that these came abit too late. Ooh well, just see how it goes when results are released. Too late to think about that now since exams are over!

Whatever it is, I have decided. I will and I shall forget the whole issue. I will never talk about what happened anymore. To me, whatever happened was just a nightmare which will never ever haunt me again. I will live for the future and not the past. I will forget this issue but I will never forget the people involved in it.

For now, I shall lead my life the way I like it. I am not going to care about what people say, what people do. Whatever you people say, whatever you people do, I am not responsible for it. At the end of the day, ko orang jawablah dosa-dosa ko orang!

Date: Monday, November 17, 2008
Time: 8:50:00 PM

Finally. Exams ended. Finally the semester concluded. I am exhausted. But what's worst than to end the semester with a flu attack?! I was sneezing my way through before, during and after the paper. I am tired from those sneezing!

What else can I say right now... just wait for the results for now.... hopefully, nothing bad la. I am so done with SCHOOL for now!

Next assignment...? Tulis kad! Hehehe... best kerja aku eh?

Date: Thursday, November 13, 2008
Time: 7:03:00 PM

I've managed to start doing the last piece assignment. I started it yesterday after being disappointed with the Linguistics paper. And, I just wanted to put off that incident at the back of my mind. I was determined and I stayed focus till I was really really tired. I was awake since 4 am yesterday.

I am almost done with the journal entry but honestly, I really had a hard time writing it. My language was just crap and I had to refer to the dictionary for the spelling and existence of the word. Right now, I am going back to the entry before embarking on my sastera revision. Tonight, I will stay focus again and read till I sleep.

For now, that's the only thing that I could do to let those painful memories stay away from me.

I have committed myself to yet another assignment. I am going to make myself busy and till I drop dead. I don't care anymore right now. I am trying to take in as many assignments as possible so that I won't even have a sec to stop to think. nice!

Come next week, I will eat, sleep, dream and wake up to all those soccer games that I have missed. I will even catch up on Football Fantasy and Real Football. Yes, that's it.

Date: Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Time: 2:50:00 PM

Today's exam... beyond description. I am really afraid that I might trip in this module. But I am really really praying hard that the worst is far beyond me.

It was all my fault. Blame it on my inquisitiveness, the itchy fingers and the addiction to Facebook. Now I knew why I decided to hibernate my Facebook account late last year. It was addictive. But with more friends getting on Facebook, I was back again into it. It was a big mistake altogether.

It was a few evenings ago when I decided to search for people I knew. I just dunno why.. I decided to search for him. Perhaps, cos of those dreams... I tried once many months ago using his full name, but mission was unsuccessful. And, I dunno what spurred me on that evening to search him using his MSN nick. This time round, I was successful! Yeah, sounds very excited. But wait till you read what followed next.

Well, I discovered yet another loads of photos with captions on it. Like those lies that I discovered 3 years ago, this was worst. Remember, I found the third party on his friendster account and I thought that woman appeared after me... How wrong I was!!

Apparently, I was the third party without me even knowing it!

Ok, what I saw was... their pictures dated 11 years ago. When I was with him, he told me that the girl died of an illness. If she really had died, then who is that girl with the same face right now??!

And for all I know.. he would go around saying that I had died too! WTF!!!!!!

I am dumbfounded.

I kept asking myself, why was I blind and deaf during those years. I asked myself again and again, why was I naive and gullible? And those other whys...

For a moment, I almost wanted to go back to those depressing moments like how life was in 2005. I cried myself to sleep that night. I was all ready to detached myself from this world of lies and deceptions.

But, I am thankful for the bestie of 7 years. The very next day when I woke up, he left a message in my inbox. His words were comforting enough for me to pull myself out of the wilful thoughts. However, the heart still hurts when I think about those lies. It's easy for people to just say forgive and forget. But wait till you put yourself in my shoes. And if you can really forgive and forget, teach me how and I will gladly do so.

On the other note, it was because I was all ready to forgive and forget, that was the reason why I searched for his profile. It turns out to be that I will and can never forget and forgive him. And.. it will be hard for me to believe in guys ever again.

It took me 3 years to finally took the courage to start believing and developing feelings for another person. But.. it seemed like everything was just a facade. I wonder how long will I take this time round to actually bounced back? Probably... forever!

Date: Sunday, November 9, 2008
Time: 9:33:00 PM

Some weeks back, when I was busy trying to tie up all the loose ends and finishing the assignments, the ex kept on coming back to haunt me in my dreams. Yeah, anything got to do with him, is just nightmare. I almost went without sleeping cos can you imagine, I had nightmares of him twice in a week!

Then two nights ago... I had another nightmare! This time round, also about an ex not that ex but the obsessive ex whom I was with for just about a month in secondary school. This time round, the dream (or rather the nightmare) was so real!

It happened in one of the DLK class. I was sitting in between Tot Tet and NorashiPIN(hehz). And everyone in the class was sitted closely together unlike the usual class setting where the class is class is divided into two sections. I dunno why and how... the ex, managed to be in that class. And I dunno why everyone wanted to sit beside him! But what I knew then, I wasn't one of them who wanted to sit around him, much less be in that class! And, no one in the class knew about our history cos his presence was just too sudden for me to even share the story with Tot Tet!

And then our tutor allowed us for a 5 minutes break. As usual, the three of us will be the ones who will be eager to go for the break of that darned 'waste time' class. But I dunno why, I ended up coming up late into class.. somehow, the two of them left me outside. So when I came back to class, I confidently, went over to the ex's sit and confronted him saying that he was sitting at my seat. And of course, I got it wrong and I was so embarrassed! But what annoyed me further was that I made such a boo-boo to actually talk to him!

In the end, I quietly went back to my seat and went on a silent mode for the rest of the lesson.

So, this is really creepy... *shivers*

Seriously... what does all this says? Why do I have such nightmares.....???? I don't know...

Date: Thursday, November 6, 2008
Time: 6:37:00 PM

Another HUGE Pheewwww!!!!

The Ujian Rajah Pohon is over!!! I was kinda worried about it actually given the time left to study for it and given the fact that I was sleeping and online shopping the whole of yesterday... I deserved some kind of a slap or what..?!

However, I am glad that the test went fine. I am confident that I will do very well for this test. Despite doing it in about 2 hours on 10 pcs of A3 papers and nursing a stiff neck after the test, I am glad that the test went on well; a reward for paying attention in class and immediately re-copy the notes when I got home on that very day. Of course, I spend most of last night and this morning practising to draw the tree diagrams. And I must say, my tree diagrams look so much like an architect's work. Lol!

The real exam is on next week. Alhamdullilah, no more tree diagrams! Just words.. ayte, when will I start my revision...? Pretty soon. I am planning to read my sastera texts as well.. and I will try to multi task by doing my final assignment that will be due by 19th of this month cos I've promised someone that I am all hers as of 17th Nov!!

Ok just two weeks of more hard work and everything will be over for this semester. Happiness!

Date: Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Time: 8:19:00 PM

Phew........ a sigh of relief. Last night was really really crazy. 3 assignments was supposed to be due today. 2 essays and 1 e-book inclusive of Lesson Plan. The group essay, I had done my editing part last Friday. The e-book LP had been completed on Sunday evening. All I need to do was to do the printing and compiling. But yeah, sometime.. the simple thing in life always end up being complicated. The laptop tried to be funny and refused to print out my hard copy.

But nothing beats the idea of completing the DSF essay in one night. Really crazy. I spend the whole day walking around my house and my room searching for ideas. In the end, I choose to sleep. It was only at 10 pm that I started attempting my essay. Not that I slept till 10 pm. No, I slept for about an hour or so only. Then I did other things other than my DSF essay. Really.. I never want a repeat of this.

I didn't sleep till about 6 am this morning. 3 hours later, I woke up and edited my DSF essay and sort out my assignments. Finally, I managed to print out my hard copy. I am so happy with the end product.

For the first time, I submitted my work about 45 minutes before the closing time. Nice..

Date: Sunday, November 2, 2008
Time: 11:16:00 PM

I shouldn't be typing this entry. Not at this moment, at least. What I should actually do right now and in fact immediately, is to embark on my DSF essay. But, I don't know.. I just don't feel like doing it although it's due on Tuesday. Technically, I only have about 25 hours left.. Yet, I am still procrastinating on it. Urgh...

Well, at least I am done with my LP for the E-book. Just waiting for the other members to pass me their LPs and the final version of the E-Book for me to print out and burn it into CD. Am so glad that everything is going to be over soon (as in assignments)!

Ooh well... what should I write about my DSF Essay? I've read the book. I've read about the theory that I will be applying on the selected text. But... how should I start? This time round, I am aiming for just 2500 words. Even if it's more, it should read 2501 words. Nothing more than that.

How much it is when in Year 1 Semester 1, I submitted my essay with closed to 3000 words. In Year 1 Semester 2, I wrote closed to 5000 words. And now, in Year 2 Semester 1, I am just aiming of abt half that number of words. Am I being lazy? No.. I just couldn't be bothered anymore. I am so sick of Sastera. Sastera is no longer how it used to be. Sastera @ NIE is not about appreciation but rather to get the grades for the module. Crapz!

And yes.. why am I blabbering? I should start on my ESSAY NOW!

Date: Saturday, November 1, 2008
Time: 7:22:00 PM

Was at Vivo again yesterday after the HP trip. I ran into my svigerfar yet I did not even acknowledge his presence. How bad of me..

Well, I wasn't in the mood to mingle around with the former customers albeit it being closed to a year since I last met them. Well, there will always be a time to catch up with them.

I have more or less made up my mind over some issues. And yes, once again... despite the mind saying 'NO', the heart can't help but to sync a 'YES' answer. But hopefully, I could muster enough courage to say 'NO' when the time comes.

Right now, I have two pieces of assignment due next Tuesday but I am still procrastinating to get going with work. My creative juices have yet to flow as freely as I wish it would. But the heart has the intention of completing the assignments ASAP.

Moving on... my fate is almost sealed unless I did the unthinkable come next year during TP. If two months ago, the VP has given me the nod for a permanent posting at SM, this time round, the P, too had given her nod for my arrival. This news was relayed to me about two days ago.

I know, I will have a really slack time during my upcoming TP but I know too, I won't have the heart to do so cos I know I will be taking the P5's whom in 2010 will be my PSLE charges. Yes, they are my current P4's students. Tough times ahead.

Hmmz.. just wondering what will happen during my TP. A retiree wannabe as my CT and a relief teacher in the school. Haha.. based on my experience, the bulk of IT resources would be pushed to me. Nice. Can I opt for the ICT Executive instead??!

How I missed those long walks from school to City Hall. I can't wait to be back there for good.