Date: Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Time: 11:30:00 PM

Tomorrow.. Hari Raya.

Somehow, this year.. I managed to get into the mood of Raya-ing. Last Raya was crapped la.. tons of assignments, mugging in the school library and with GeS(e)L-ing.. How to Raya?

And when Raya arrives, my thoughts will bring me back to Raya 2005 and 2006. Raya while my status was still as a Spinner. I shared the Raya festivities with the expatriates friends.

2005.. crazy over 'N', the french HOT eye candy!

2006.. nothing great, but shared the festivities with Lil Sarah and family, Kim and the other friends.

2007.. crazy.crazy.crazy.

2008..?? What I know is... going to Geylang in a few hours' time to recce the place with I-2. Tomorrow.. usual visiting. Gonna sleep realy early tomorrow. Don't care any more. I am so frigging sleepy.

To all friends and fellow Muslim Bros and Sisters... Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir Batin.

Date: Saturday, September 27, 2008
Time: 1:38:00 AM

Been almost 5 days since I last updated. Very very rare occasion that such a thing do happen. Well, it finally did anyway!

This week was supposedly be Recess week. But I've been so busy since school ended last week. I have so much to do yet so little time to spare. And I have yet to touch my laptop till today. The last I ever did some work on my laptop was on Monday and that was it. I have done most of group work stuff but am left with 2 essays to battle on.

I really need a REAL break!

Date: Monday, September 22, 2008
Time: 10:47:00 PM

I started reading the literature text which my group is due to prepare for a presentation a few weeks after recess week. I started reading the book after being pressured by my group mates. They are almost reaching the end of the book while me still procrastinating and doing other things.

But today, I finally gave in and read up on the book. Well, I managed to read about 30 odd pages before going out today. A real achievement for me. The book is okay. But one thing to complain, the book contains a lot of Dutch elements which some how brings back those memories.

As I read that book, I remembered how 'C' will proudly announced to everyone that I know more about the Netherlands than he does. I remembered how 'C' taught me to speak Dutch. And I remembered when his dad tried to converse with me in Dutch and all I could do was gave him a blank look. Yes, it was all about those days that I could still remember.

I will motivate myself to complete reading the book within the next few days den at least I have something to share with 'C' when the time comes. But then again, when the time comes... Cos I know.. the time has long gone and never to come back again unless it's written some where that it will come back.

For now, it's really going to be meeting those date lines!

Date: Saturday, September 20, 2008
Time: 11:48:00 PM

More or less.. I am done with my shopping. Just need some little final touch and that means off to JB some time next week. That's if everything goes as planned.

As for now, I am more or less all geared up for the baking session. Was itching to help mum to "cepit" the makmur and roll the popiah. But right now, I am taking a few minutes off before I finally type out my DCZ LP and edit my DSD slides. Only then can I go and visit slumber land. Time check: 11.51 pm. Gotta hurry!

The plan for tomorrow is to roll more popiah(s) and do more assignments. The baking proper will only begin on Monday, with two types of cookies in the pipeline. Mum will be working on Monday, so I will have the kitchen all to myself before evening comes. Hopefully, the laziness in me doesn't strike then. And, it will be back for more assignments!! This happens when October seems to lurk around; semester going to end and assignments are a plenty. Tell me about, wake me up when September ends... it will all be too late then.

Tuesday will also be planned for another baking session, this time fighting with mum for the oven. Lolz... Wednesday... planning for final touch up and spring cleaning. Thursday, the MioTV guy is coming for installation and while waiting for him, I guess I will do more baking.

Friday will be rest day for me. Saturday... hopefully my assignments and readings are over. I hope to relax on Saturday. Sunday will be the start to the 3 days marathon to cake baking. Busy busy busy...

Ya'all know what?? I am going back to school la on Raya's eve! Like what the hell?! This is the first time that I am not at home on Raya's eve... but I hope to reach home by 2 and start my final baking by then. Ooooh no... just remembered that Saturday won't be rest day for me! urgh!

Ok.. time to start typing the LP.. time is ticking away!

Date: Friday, September 19, 2008
Time: 10:33:00 PM

Went to JB this morning to get some stuff. Unfortunately... not everything that I wanted to get is available. It's kinda a wasted trip today. Great dissapointment! Bummer.

Went to Little India for threading. Got a nice lady to do it and for the first time, threading the brows didn't feel any pain at all. However, definitely there's a con.. she didn't do a good job on my very fine hairs on the upper lips. Urgh!

Bought the stuff I needed at Sun Lik. But the book I needed urgently have been returned to the publisher! Damn!!

Going to start on the DCZ group work assignment in a while. Going to Geylang tomorrow to get some more stuff. Probably to Vivo as well to get some stuff. Busy with assignments, Busy with bakings and busy with shopping too!

I really need my sleep... yawns!

Date: Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Time: 8:23:00 PM

This afternoon, an unexpected email came in my inbox. Been a long long while since I last heard from this person. So what happened was, he invited me to join his LinkedIn network. Now, you may asked what the hacked is LinkedIn?!

Basically, LinkedIn is somewhat like a friendster/facebook acct. Only difference is, its not those you know boy meet girl, girl meet boy kind of networking acct. It's more like a business network. Ok fine, I got no business and why the hack I have a LinkedIn account, you may asked!

It was a long story.. once upon a time about 2 years ago when I was madly and crazily went head over heels on 'C', I joined LinkedIn cos at that time he had to leave Singapore and being in LinkedIn allows me to know who his new friends are and how he's doing basically. But, over the couple of years later, the feelings fade as distance stands between us. And so, I've literally forgotten about my LinkedIn acct.

Back to where I started, so one of my former customer a.k.a my svigerfar (Danish for father-in-law, remember I was playing a fool going after the then 6 years old Alfred? Haha), dropped me an email to link me to his LinkedIn acct. I accepted the invite and he sent me and email.

He called me stranger. And I got to agree with him that it had been a long while since I last contacted him or saw him. And what he wrote in the email really touched my heart cos those years of hard work are still very much appreciated.

Yes, it took me almost 2 years to clean forget those happy days at work with those bunch of wonderful customers. But till today, I do still think about some of them. And I am pretty sure that if, 'C' has not left the country, I would not be at NIE doing all these hectic workload.

No doubt, I was crazy about him but it has slowly but surely faded. And it was only till recently that I thought I have found The One but then I realised that the doors to my heart are still safely locked. As fast as it took me to develop a crush for that person, it faded instantly as well. Oh well, who cares anyway? At least without the other half, I still get to enjoy my social life with those guys that I literally grew up with, my platonic friends and of course MY partner!! Having you guys is more wonderful than having a boyfriend!

So anyway, I guess I have to make time to meet up with some of the former customers.. or else I will be labelled 'ingrate'. Nice!

************

Got my essay result this morning. B+. If the partner knew about this, my head will roll. But then again, did I get that B+ because my marks were deducted due to the so called late submission?! Or was it really pathetically done? What I heard from some coursemates from another class but having the same tutor, majority of them got Cs. So... am I considered lucky to go away with the B+?

Cos last week in that heated argument, he told me that if I get an A-, he will give me a B-. So does it mean that I should get a A+ thats why he gave me a B+?! Damn him big time, seriously. Just see how the grades will change towards the final results. At the end of the day, the course module is over! Yipee!!

Date: Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Time: 10:21:00 PM

Last night, received news that a course mate's mum has passed on. Another sad news.. It comes one after another...

Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas roh-roh mereka yang telah pergi meninggalkan orang-orang yang tersayang. Amin.

I hope those are affected would be strong and often offer their prayers. And, I do not wish to hear anymore sad news for now, with Raya coming, it couldn't get any solemn. I can imagine the scene at my aunt's house on the first day, especially with my uncle's passing on about 2 mths back... there is only so much sorrow that I can accept.. and right now, I could accept no more cos, I am not good at comforting people..

Date: Sunday, September 14, 2008
Time: 8:59:00 PM

I was doing my slides late last night when a phone call came in. My Caller ID read 'Atie'. The first thought that came to my mind was, she must have lost her way somehow.. But then again, it was already late in the night. Furthermore, Hafiz has gone back riding a bike. So, I tot maybe she needs to ask me something.

I answered the call. But it wasn't Atie on the line. Instead, it was Hafiz. I was puzzled why did he called me using her number? I feared something had happened but at the same time, I was praying hard that nothing had happened.

The conversation went something like this:

Me : Hello.

H: Hello, ni Hafiz.

Me: ah, apa?

(There was a long pause before he speaks slowly but surely clearly. I almost wanted to tell him to stop cos I couldn't bear to hear any longer thinking about Atie and...)

After that phone call, I was disturbed cos somehow the news has yet to sink in. I was like.. why so soon.. and suddenly? I know Atie would be very very very sad. Who would not if they are in her shoes?

A while after I managed to digest the news, I messaged the former classmates to relay the news. And then, we started planning to go melawat the very next day (today) early in the morning. And all I wanted to give Atie was a comforting hug and sorry for not being there.

I read her blog a few days ago, found out that her mum was hospitalised again. Had wanted to ask about it, but didnt had the chance due to the piling work. But it was just yesterday morning that I read about her mum being discharged. So I thought, she had recovered. Her mum was a fighter, and I was very sure she had wanted to fight on to see her children get married this year end.

What I missed was Atie's latest entry about her mum being hospitalised again. Reading those words especially after her mum's passing on, made me cry. Those words...

My dearest Atie, sesungguhnya Allah lebih menyayangi ibumu. Penderitaannya di dunia ini telah berakhir dan redhakan lah pemergiannya. Bersabar dan tabahkan hatimu sesungguhnya perjalananmu di dunia ini masih jauh.

Moga rohnya ditempatkan di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman. Amin.

Salam Takziah dari aku dan kawan-kawan. *Big Hug*

P/s: Call me if you need any help or a listening ear. Aku sayang kau k!!

Date: Saturday, September 13, 2008
Time: 5:31:00 PM

Date: Friday, September 12, 2008
Time: 12:05:00 PM

The week has been a little draggy. The race to finish the essay and journal occupied the first two days of the week. But what comes after that was even more irritating and frustrating!

It happened on Wednesday during the class that my essay was due. Well, in black and white, it is written that my essay was due on that day. But, somehow, that arse tutor thought, "the class is getting dull, so why don't I create some jokes to spice their life?"

But honestly, his joke wasn't anywhere funny or amusing. Instead it got almost all of us in the class frustrated. His jokes goes something like this...." Where are all your essays? You are supposed to submit it last week."

This was where the ferocious me, erupted! What does he meant when our essays was due on Topic 3 presentation day? If it was really true, wasn't it his onus to remind us again on Week 2? But the point here is, there wasn't any consensus that we are all in for the idea of submitting the essays on that week! It was just him and his idea. That was because he wanted to avoid marking so many essays on the last week.

But, here is my point. Whatever arrangements you want to make with your students, have it black and white. Most importantly, have our agreement. But here, you are trying to go against your course co-ordinator arrangements for your own benefit without consulting us, the people who have to complete our essays and at the same time, bogged down with our other assignments?!

Also, it is ur F**!@#YY#G onus to mark the number of essays and assignments that come your way. So what if you've got 4 classes to handle? If you can't, then don't agree on taking 4 classes! Why do we have to be put at a disadvantage position?! Mind you, you're being paid to do this!

And, what does he meant when he said that draggy 2 hours presentation was the best he had seen so far even before they presented?! In the first place, we didn't even had a proper chance to meet him up. And when we got to meet him, it was less than 20 minutes, our ideas being rejected like as if we were some primary 1 kids trying to embark on our very own grand project!

It really hurts us.. having put in so much effort and time to do our research, without getting much help from him but marking us down like we are rubbish! Apparently, my group wasn't the only one who went through this agony. But another group that I knew went through this agony as well.

And after what happened.... I asked myself, am I in the right track? Have I picked the right career choice? I mean, here we are trying to upgrade ourselves, trying to be impartial in our judgements and assessing our students' work but there they are a majority of tutors who doesn't even know the meaning of 'impartial'!

Why bother making us go through these agony of assignments and project work and whatnots when the tutors or lecturers can't even give a proper assessments?!

Those who work hard are always not duly rewarded.. but at the end of the day, I tell myself this.. " Those who gets the grades will not be the ones who make the best teachers. And those who can get good grades are those who might not be the ones who can teach!"

Enough said and I am sure when the time comes... I will definitely leave this service if this case of favourtism and backstabbing goes on any longer!

Date: Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Time: 8:36:00 PM

Week 6 of school has commenced. And I am getting suffocated with the amount of assignments that never since to end despite the efforts and sheer determination put in to complete each and every single piece.

I have completed my DED essay and my journal entries. But, as much as I have completed those assignments, there are plenty more in the pipeline awaiting to be completed and also many more that is coming my way.

I have one presentation up next week, after which we have to submit our presentation in an essay form of at least 2500 words. Then, there will be at least 2-3 more group presentations, one essay and several lesson plans to churn out plus some other assignments needed to be completed.

I need all the strength that is left in me to continue this journey. And I am so frigging tired!

Date: Saturday, September 6, 2008
Time: 9:31:00 PM

Date: Friday, September 5, 2008
Time: 1:44:00 AM

I am in the situation whereby my emotions is building up to the point that I can have an emotional outburst. I am not sure if it just me over reacting or is it because some people are just out to irritate hell out of me. I am really sick and tired with some people's attitude. It just set me thinking about my current group mates. The group of people whom I met and clicked with by accident last semester. I am so blessed to have them as my group members!

Like how we worked together to pull of the hardest piece of assignment together, helping out one another in other assignments, reminding each other of datelines and so on. But on the other hand, some people out of me clique just loves to take advantage of me and others. Is it so hard to be rational and make some sacrifice instead of setting out to cause inconvenience in other people's life?

They said, money is the root of all evil. Indeed, some people are so farking selfish when it comes to money. For me, I do not mind sharing my money, though I am not filthy rich. I do not think twice when spending my money on people whom I loved and cared for. But please do not take advantage of my kindness. There is a limit to my patience. Though I do not expect you to repay my kindness, neither do I expect you to come to me only when you needed help. And to what have happened, I am going to learn my lesson.

Hopefully, after tomorrow... everything will be over. After tomorrow, I will be free. If you're tired, I am tired as well. If you say you need money to survive, I need it to for I don't survive on air. If you say you need time for your family and yourself, all the more I say I need that TIME for I too have my family and friends to think for. And just to simply put it, I am after all a human being. There is a limit to everything.

The week have not been a good start. Probably, seeing Adik's cries have spoilt my week. As often as we love to fight and irritates the hell of each other, but we love each other. I love the times when adik nags to show his concerns or the times when he just sticks to me.

And of course, peppered in with several other issues that took place during class just pissed the hell outta me! And to add on to the misery... this f^$*$king issue have to happen. I am tired and really really tired to be bothered.

Even to know about the likelihood of the permanent posting doesn't makes thing any easier. Not to say that I dislike the place but rather I visualised myself playing the role of a permanent staff when I do come back for my 10 weeks' attachment.

Whatever ... all I need to tell myself is to FOCUS. If I keep on giving in to people, who will give in to me? Tell me, somebody!

Date: Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Time: 6:49:00 PM

Somehow... I am feeling shitty right now. So many things have got to happen at the same time and I am also stressed out with my assignments date lines. Why do things have to turn out this way? Why must I take the blame for the things that have to happen? Sometimes, I do regret taking this path. How nice it would be if I had just let him take me away 2 years ago?

Well, this is what happened when you defy all odds. And though some of the things that happened are not my fault, I am in a way affected and will be held responsible. I am really sick of all these. Honestly. Will I be able to withstand this obstacle once again?

Ya Allah, give me the strength to continue cos I believe that there's a blessing in disguise.

On another note, I am not sure if this is a good news or not.. but being offered a permanent posting even before graduation is an achievement. But yes, it comes with a price. Now what do I do now? Let's just wait... They can only plan for me, at the end of the day... it's me who will decide.

With all these shitty nonsense going on... I am beginning to miss you alot. But I know, its really impossible for us to be together. I will just try to forget you and I hope, as easily as I had developed a crush for you, I will also try to forget you as easily. I am trying... and all those laughters will hide the sadness in my eyes.

Just tell me why this have to happen and why it happened to me?!

Date: Monday, September 1, 2008
Time: 10:32:00 PM

I don't know why I am so freaking sleepy today. Probably because I had the worst week last week. Last week was my worst week ever since I first stepped into NIE about a year ago. I had 4 presentations last week; 2 being on Tuesday and 1 each on Wednesday and Thursday. The Wednesday's presentation was worth 50% weightage which alhamdullilah I managed to pull it off albeit doing it almost single handedly. On the other hand, the Thursday's presentation was a killer. And because of that, I lost a lot of sleep over that presentation. In the end, I felt that I didn't contribute much for that presentation. Still feeling guilty over that.. And it was on that fateful Thursday too that I was duped into attending a talk! And it was on that occasion too, that I developed a crush on him! Dang!!

And, I came back to school on Friday for some discussion and an orientation session. Made my way to pick Adik after that. And I didn't sleep till about 1-ish but woke up quite early on Saturday cos of the Wild Wild Wet thingy. As usual, Adik had so much fun to the extent that he fell asleep on the TUBE!

Albeit the short break with Adik, I am satisfied. Really can't wait for the next long break!!