Date: Saturday, August 30, 2008
Time: 9:39:00 PM

Yesterday, I mentioned about developing a crush on that someone. Today, his image kept on playing on my mind. I don't know why this has to happen. I thought, the doors to my heart has long been closed.

Actually, it all started sometime in March or April where I kept on bumping into him quite often. But, I managed to shove it away cos probably at that time, the doors to my heart was till safely locked. However, recently things just changed.

What makes me have a crush on him when in the first place, he never even made it into my criteria list. Perhaps, it's all fated. I seriously hope this is just a short lived crush cos I know this is not going to get me anywhere..

Let me focus on my work for now.. Datelines and Assignments are waiting in line albeit the sleepy and tired eyes!

Date:
Time: 12:42:00 AM

Last night, I had a short chat with the partner. Been a long long time since we had a decent chat. The last I talked to him was via sms about 3 months back. It had been a long while indeed.

He told me to slow down a bit and create a breathing space for now. He told me not to stress myself unnecessarily. And, he told me that he had resigned from his current designation to venture on a greener pasture. I am so proud of you!!

On another note, I think I had unsuccessfully shoved off the presence of that someone! Sheesh! I kept on telling myself that its a NO but lately, things just changed and for all I know, I am slowly developing a crush on him. And just now, while we were joking around, he made himself clear and clarified all the jokes and the underlying meanings. Why does he need to that in the first place?

I hope this feeling is just momentarily. But I had not taken his image outta my mind since this evening..... LOLz!

Date: Monday, August 25, 2008
Time: 6:46:00 PM

Everything is just going so wrong at the moment. Assignments are coming in my way like some tsunami attack and to make matter worst, I have group members who I think I am better off without them. Honestly.

Its ain't nice bitching about others' work attitude but one of my friend agreed that this group member of mine is of no initiatives! Well, he can so more cos he know's her well before I did. And so anyway, anything more about them just kept my blood boils.

Imagine... how I tried compressing 45 pages of slides into 10 FUCKING pieces?! You know that there is a difference between presentation slides and data collection?! Apparently, some people don't and I got to do the dirty job and sacrifice my weekends.

And in moments like these, I will question myself, "Is my level of English that bombastic; to the extent that people have difficulties understanding it?! or "Is my level of English that atrocious to the point that people couldn't make any sense to the message that I need to deliver?!"

Simply put, the partner once said that my level of English is profound. Like whatever.. In my opinion, they are just plain lazy!!

These days, every little things that happen will make me frustrated and easily agitated. I need to relax!!!!!!!!!!!

Date: Saturday, August 23, 2008
Time: 11:54:00 PM

In my world of fantasy, school has barely started. Week 3 has ended. That means minus off the first week of modules introduction, it had only been 2 weeks since school started. But from the moment I stepped into campus 3 weeks ago, the mad rush started as if this is week 7 of school!

Its really crazy right now. Just don't ask me why I still have the time to blog if I am really busy. But if you've realised.. it had been days since I last post an entry. I just need a medium to let go of my frustrations. Simply put, I am pissed off!

I am having 4 presentations on this coming week. Two of the presentations are a killer for some known reasons. I am done with the Lesson plan presentation. But I am really zilch on the Sastera presentation. Gonna be dead just like the author of the text I am analyzing right now!

I really need a break AGAIN! Things is going mad... talking about that, where is my entry no.3?! Zilch, not completed! Can I declared brain dead?! I hate this mad rush... So many things to do yet so little time to satisfy all these assignments!

I am super sleepy........ I need my Sleep. Don't deprive me of my sleep or else I would be cranky!!

Date: Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Time: 7:14:00 PM

I think God is fair in whatever He allocated our shares in life. For every little things we do, it always come back to us. For instance, when we do good things to others or when we put in efforts in our work, we will be rewarded equally. But if we are selfish, lazy and always relying on your luck, never in the world is God going to help you forever. Not even if you think you can use your looks but not the brain cells.

I am a firm believer in karma. I can be giving yet I do not expect my sincere acts to be rewarded. However, I know that one day God will reward me fairly and equally. Even if he doesn't, it doesn't really matter cos I know I have done my part as a human being.

Honestly speaking, for the past one year.. the hard work that I've put in has not really been rewarded in terms of grades because of other factors pertaining to the system. But in a way God gave me my rewards in other forms which is of more worth than anything else. And today, somehow I am happy cos some people who have been riding on their luck has been brought down to the face of Earth!

I am not being a smirk but I just want them to realise that not all the time that you will get favoured by the people of the highest authority. Not all the time that you can use words to sweet talk your superiors. There are times where your work speaks more volume than anything else. I have been there and done that. I have been some teachers' pet before. And I have been ignored totally despite getting good grades just because I wasn't a male.. But I took all these in my stride cos I know, sincerity and hard work will matter most at the end of the day.

Ok, time to focus.. let's ignore what these people think!

Date: Sunday, August 17, 2008
Time: 11:40:00 PM

Many months back, I got this very weird dream. Very very weird dream. Scary too, I must say. And recently... just about a few days ago, I heard it from my mum that this thing did happened. Only the case was, in that dream, the setting was my house and it was a case of mistaken identity. But in reality, it happened to someone related to me.

I am really sorry that it has to happen. And of all people, it has to happen to you, someone whom despite the feud, the people around us is having, remains closed to me. I am not gloating over the incident, but just want to remind you people that there's karma. What goes around comes around. So do not ever gloat over other people's misfortune. And I hope, things are ok now for you and family. I might not be much of a help but if you do need my help in one way or another.. I will be there.

I rest my case... I never want to dream anymore... cos most of the time it turns out to be a sign.

Date: Friday, August 15, 2008
Time: 10:56:00 PM

What am I supposed to be doing now....

1. Read my DED notes and get ready for the upcoming presentation.
2. Read my Sejarah Melayu and get the information sorted out for next week presentation.
3. Edit my two LP for presentation and individual assignment.
4. Decide my Linguistik assignment and also get ready for next week lecture.
5. FOCUS!!!

But what have I been doing......?

1. Surf the webby.
2. Not doing anything mentioned above.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So now what?! I have been really been a social butterfly. Been going out as often as almost everyday. For the last two weeks, the only day that I didn't go out was yesterday. The rest of those 13 days... I have been out! Yes, even on weekends which is a rarity. But it happened. It's going to happen again this weekend. And next weekend too! And, EPL is here again!! Hopefully that gives me a reason to stay home over the weekends and focus on my school work.

Who's going to be the champions this season...?? As much as I would lurve Man Utd to clinch the trophy again, I would lurve to see how they start their season before predicting anything. I am so waiting to oogle at Owen Hargreaves again! But he's injured. Hope he's recovering soon enough for me to oogle! Hehe..

Ooh I heard a public holiday is on the card if Singapore wins a Gold medal at the Olympics. Does a gold medal constitutes to one day of holiday each? So if Singapore wins to Gold medals, we get two public holidays?! Let's continue to dream!

Date: Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Time: 5:20:00 PM

There is something that I want to let off! This is meant for that someone. Let this be a message sent to you BY me and me ALONE!

Let me make things clear to you as clear as the blue skies we have been seeing for the past few days. First and foremost, I dun care if you're interested in him or not. Let me reiterate, I am NOT interested. Secondly, my relationship with him is just barely as acquaintance. Despite being seen together often in the past, we're now no longer on that friendly terms anymore ever since he got his own transportation. Thirdly, stop behaving as if he's interested in you. And lastly, please behave yourself and look after your dignity as a woman!

Ok, I am pissed off by this certain someone. I have been tolerating her childish behaviour for almost a year now. But today, I am going to blog about her cos I am really really upset. And to the guy, my once upon a time acquaintance, I don't owe you anything. It's up to you if you want to be with any girl in the universe. And.. I think she's just the choice for you. Pick her and leave me alone. Thank you!

Date: Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Time: 10:34:00 PM

It has been almost a week since I last updated. I had been pretty busy with my social engagement. Haha. Ever since the new semester begins, I have yet to settle down with the new time-table. There are days that I got easily confused with my own time-table.

So anyway, what have I been up to for the past 7 days or so...? It has been chilling sessions with friends, family and the small partner in crime. And, with the long weekends to celebrate the nation's 43rd year of independence, my hols officially started on Wednesday 06th August as of 4.30 pm.

On Saturday, my cousins, nephews, nieces and I went to The Padang. It had been a while since I went out with the cousins and that was the first time that I went out with one of my male cousin after God knows when. And, I really had fun that day. After that, we had dinner at KTM. Sad to say.. food standards there has deteriorated. But that cute guy is still there.. so I am somewhat appeased. Haha!

I spent the weekends at my cousin's place albeit just a night caused I had planned to some readings on Sunday night and meeting Atie on Monday. Somehow, the plans didn't really worked out as I wished it could. The small partner in crime a.k.a my small boyfriend decided to tag along to my place.

Though I love him to bits for all the nonsense he had been up to, we quarreled and fought a lot too. And, in terms of being obsessive, he's worst than my very first boyfriend whom I had dumped because he was controlling my life. But luckily, Adik is just a stubborn lil boy whom people have to go along with his nonsense. Or else, I would have dump him long long time ago. Hehe!

Some of the irritating stuff that Adik will try to come up with will be things like.. Why didn't I button up my last button, Why do I wear nice shoes even if I were going to school? What am I wearing after a shower? Whether I am going out for some fun after a shower? And all the other whys.. like why do I have to print out my lecture notes?!

It had been fun having him around though he's an irritating menace lurking around. Haha.. I am thinking to bring him for another swim next week before the fasting month begins. And, the fireworks exhibition! I guess.. next week will be my last week of fun and socialising activities before I start serious work. Oooh... I need to focus! Hope there's e-learning week for DED the week after next.. then at least I dun have to think so much for the presentation! Hehe..

Date: Thursday, August 7, 2008
Time: 2:44:00 PM

Earlier, the NSC gave me a call. Got a fright for a moment. Because, for all I know.. TA has ended. For all I know.. I had stayed back in school for the longest time ever on Monday for the de-brief cum sharing session. And for all I know.. it's all but over!

And having 2 missed calls within a short space of time doesn't help either. So, I called her back. And the question she asked me was.. "When is your next class?" Hmmz... it got me thinking.. "Was my file in a mess?" Yes, blame it on me cos I didn't even bother to look at it once more before submission. Hehe. Or did I make a grave mistake somewhere along that 5 weeks stint. Hmmz..

Well my questions are answered in some half an hour later. Nothing serious. I am fine. It's just some opinions that the NSC wanted to get from me. And if everything turns out well, I will be doing some sharing session with the Asatizahs with my fellow group mates. How cool is that?! I would love to hear and see for myself what these Asatizahs have to say about the way they conduct their classes and all. It's a learning point.

Ok.. everything is fine now. I gotta pull myself together and remain focus till 17th Nov at least. As much as I would love to be in NIE, the amount of assignments awaiting me despite it being only week 1, is really piling up like nobody's business. I would like to do as much as I can before the datelines cos I have other agendas on my list. And, this is the only way for me to fulfill my unwritten promise. There will be only 3 words on my mind right now. Focus. Unwritten promise.

That's it.

Date: Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Time: 6:38:00 PM

I think the time has come. I think I am ready for it. Haha... Forever saying the same old phrase but backing out at the very last minute! How nice! Anyway, time will tell.

Its only Day 2 of the first semester of the second and final year. I could feel the heat... Despite the hehe and haha moments, I could feel stressed out the moment I step into a lecture or tutorial class. The 4 months hiatus has some what caused me to be reacting worst than a 512 mb ram. I need to get my momentum right la.. and to start doing my readings or anything along that line. But I still have at least a busy 3 weekends ahead. How am I going to handle this? Can I clear this smoothly?! Ok, let's focus.. Start on my reading as early as tonight. And with the high chances that classes for the week will conclude by tomorrow.. I will be a happy lady! Ooh and one more thing, I will try to do my reading for Sastera by tomorrow too. Will be away over the weekends, so I really need to make full good use of my time on Thurs and Fri.

Somehow, I am pressured by the English modules. Somehow, I seemed to lose touch on my command of English. Somehow, I no longer am interested to bask in the limelight to start on class participation. And somehow... I seemed to be conversing in Malay during my English modules but conversing in fluent English during my Malay modules! What the heck has happened to me?!

Tomorrow.. I'll have a super long day. With 3 hours break in between. Tomorrow.. I will make a trip to the library to collect my book. Tomorrow.. I will have a long night trying to read my books. And tomorrow, I will start embarking on my resolution to fulfill that unwritten promise to the bestest partner. Really.. I better start doing something or else that promise could never be fulfilled.

And today? Ooh... I will do my lesson plan for the tutorial assignment. My lecturer is placing 5% for class participation. It is this kind of marks that really help to bring up the grades. Ok, time to be serious!!!!!!!!!!

Date: Monday, August 4, 2008
Time: 8:14:00 PM

First day back to campus after 4 months of hiatus. Could feel the pressure now. So many things to clear in less than 13 weeks. Shit. Can I do this??! I am not sure why suddenly I feel so demoralised. Not sure why sudddenly my morale dropped despite having much confidence days before. How am I going to fulfill that unwritten promise if I stick on to this mentality?!

And suddenly, I felt that my command for the English Language have gone down to the drain. Its really upsetting to find myself in such a situation. But then again, who's to blame? 5 weeks of pure Bahasa Baku with the exception of writing my reflections in English, its kind of affected my grasp for the language. Or probably, the lack of usage has been the cause of it. Whatever my reasons are, I gotta pull my socks for the Communications skills module. Or else, I will suffer the brunt of it!

*****************

Just called Adik a few minutes ago. We had another 'argument'. He blamed me for not bringing him over to my place last night. And I teased him about his so called girlfriend "Sofea". Haha.. Cuteness la adik! How can I not love you to bits when all you do is to irritate the hell outta me??

Date: Sunday, August 3, 2008
Time: 11:37:00 PM

As I penned down my thoughts, it would be another 23 minutes before the 3 months long break comes to its official conclusion. It really amazes me on how 3 months came and left just like that!

Adik came over to stay at my place for a week. On Monday he fell sick while I had just recovered but on Tuesday, I was down with fever again. I knew I was going to fall sick when I felt different while shopping at Vivo.

Hence, we did nothing on Wednesday, as I recover from the sickening fever. Off for a swim on Thurday and a trip to Popeye's. It was to Plaza Singapura on Friday for some shopping. Fireworks galore on Saturday and to Plaza Singapura again to settle some stuff.

Today, I sent Adik home. He cried when I left but I had no choice cos reality kicks in tomorrow! Back to school!! Happy? Excited?! Haha.. neither. I just wanna continue slacking.

Staying in school till evening tomorrow! How cool is that?! Two English modules on my list... I hope I can enjoy these modules.. !

Tomorrow... I'll start my quest to fulfill that unwritten promise. Tomorrow... I'll continue this journey all by myself without your company ever again. Tomorrow... I'll try to relive that memories of yesterday. And at the end of the semester, I'll show you that the promise I've made is nothing but the truth!

Date: Friday, August 1, 2008
Time: 12:10:00 AM

Today, was one of those depressing morning that I woke up to. Firstly, I slept after 12 am last night but at about 2 am I woke up to answer nature's call (which happens rarely). Den at 5.15 am my alarm rang (that was meant for my TA stingt and cos I couldn't be bothered to reset the alarm.. that explains why). Barely 2 hours later I was already awake cos that blardy mosquito was creating tatoos on my left arm! Thanks to the neighbour la.. he bought new plants and thus inviting mosquitoes to my house! Damn!

But anyway, back to my depressing morning.. like I've said previously, I don't function that early in the morning but I dunno why suddenly this morning the long ago ex-bf's images came flashing right in front of my eyes. And as I reflect on those years.. I think I was really blind to fall for him. Seriously and honestly, I don't know why I even bothered to waste time on him. Yeah, like I've said maybe because I was blind then. And today, as I stepped into his area... those memories flooded back and it seemed like only yesterday. But, I dun give it a damn anymore. My point here is to say that I was blind then.

On a lighter note... a fren's fren has offered me an opportunity to return to the netball world. Now, I am contemplating about this opportunity cos trainings are on Mondays from 8-10 pm. Not confident of myself to commit. And, with the school's time-table not out yet till probably tomorrow, I wonder if I could slot this in. I am very tempted to play the sport again ever since the school I was posted to, won the nationals final. Hope I can work this out...

Till then... I dun want to taint my happy and fun Thursday outing with this depressing post. Will continue later in an another post.