Date: Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Time: 12:05:00 PM

Feeling slightly better with the fever's gone but the spinning head is still bugging the hell outta me. Whatever plans that have been lined up for this week has to be cancelled it seemed. And I foresee that there will be alot of squeezing of activities over the next few days due to the unforeseen circumstances.

These days I am becoming an early bird. Probably the 5 weeks long of rising at 5.30 am daily has somehow became part of me for now. There is this saying that goes, the early birds catch the worms but in my case, whenever I managed to wake up early during this week, I get utterly depressed cos I do not know what to do once I am awake. My brain do not function that early either and it gets even more depressing when I tried to put myself to sleep again but failed to.

Right now, I am still awaiting for the release of the sem's time-table. It's very frustrating to wait and wait without any signs that it will be released any time soon though we probably have only 2 days left (if you minus off today and the weekends) before the sem's starts.

I could feel the pressure right now.. I saw a glimpse of the course outline for the English modules and yes, there will be lots of presentations on the cards. Will I be able to emulate those previous grades for this sem? Hopefully, that will be the case. Lol.

I will have busy weekends ahead. Two weekends which have been fully occupied have been fulfilled.. but there will probably be another 4-5 more of busy weekends to fulfill. So much to do yet so little time on hand. Haiz..

Time really flies when you're doing nothing.. but how come it never seems to end when we are swarmed with work and pressure?? Next sem's timetable is so going to suck BIG time! Hate it. Period.

Date: Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Time: 6:05:00 PM

So blogger decides to play prank on me! Somehow it says that I'd exceeded the bandwidth. Funny! In the end, I had to change my skin which translates to some childish one. Ok, I had dificulties searching for one actually. I am making do with this for the moment.

As I type this post, I am feeling feverish. So much of hoping for a day's MC.. Now I am on 5 day's MC on my very much deserved week's break! Bummer!

Date: Friday, July 25, 2008
Time: 5:22:00 PM

And so... TA has ended. Though it seemed like it had been a long while, however it was actually gone before I knew it. There goes my afternoon walk.. From Wilkie Road to Robinsons on some days, to Plaza Singapura on another day, to becoming a regular customer at Bras Basah Complex. On lazy days, I would just walked down to Fortune Centre to get home. There will also be days when I would waked down to Funan from school. That's how I self-entertained myself during the last 5 weeks.

As much as I couldn't wait for this agony to end, I also has hoped that this experience could continue. I'll miss everything about school and all. But I won't missed any of those early morning wake up alarms! Haha..

So the gals did surprised me in their own way. Kinda surprising to read their cards with words that touched my heart. How weird that they had develop to be fond of me despite the short 5 weeks. And despite the moments where I scolded them to the max, they could still be fond of me. And that's how innocent kids are.

Yesterday after school ended, had the last long chat with one of the CT. She told me that if I were to come back for a permanent posting there, I would have to be the ML coordinator. I guess its still too early to say all this stuff. I'd yet to go thru my second year nor my TP, so we shall save all these speculations till the time comes.

Bade goodbyes to the SCM, colleagues and 'neighbour' before meeting the VP ystr. She's a nice lady after all. So all in all, it had been an enriching experience albeit those stressful days.

My SCM and one of my CT was sweet. They each gave me a token each. And the students too. Now, I have a collection of red pens of different brands and designs. I have a cute beetle stapler courtesy of my SCM and a beautiful bracelet with some Swarovski crystals and polish pearls.

And, it was raining when I left school with my sidekicks. And we flagged down a cab since the 2 of us were going down to Bugis while another one of us was going to Marina. I bought lunch from Tong Seng since my mum wasn't working so she won't be buying food. And after that I walked down to City Hall despite the rain and big bags that I was carrying.

When I got home, I was done with flu. Just as how I had hoped for. I was praying hard that I would fall sick so that I can get MC and skipped the seminar today. But, I got more than I had hoped for. The doctor gave me 2 days MC. Cool!

So, I am on MC today and tomorrow. I had my blood test taken today as well. Since I was at the doctor, I might as well get it done. To my horror, I looked at the lady who as she took my blood. I was only thinking that she would take a drop or something, that was what I remembered when I did my blood test 5 years ago. But, how wrong I was! She took a test tube full of blood. I almost fainted but I don't know where I got the courage to just look on at the process. Now, My left arm is feeling very weak.

I went to sleep without taking any medication when I got back from the doctor. I was so drowsy even without the medication. Now that I am awake, I am trying to finish my last reflection before I eat my medication and continue my sleep.

Wanna clean my room later tonight cos Adik is coming over. A week of fun and fight. I like! But first, gotta recover well first.

Date: Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Time: 11:11:00 PM

Out of the 5 Tuedays I had during the TA period, today gotta be one of the best of all. Why? Because, there isn't any contact time today and the P treated us to lunch! Haha. Ok, that's not the reason actually.

Anyways, I had my final observation today. Alhamdullilah, everything went on fine except once again, the gals always do not give reactions. And of course, it just arouse the tigress in me yet again!

And today, I was so god damn tired and weak from all the sneezing yesterday as well as the medication effects. My throat is hurting maybe cos the tonsils is swollen. However, when the CT said I had done well for the observations, I felt a sense of achivements and it certainly made my day. Cos, I am officially going to declare my honeymoon phase!

The day was made even sweeter when I found out that there wasnt any contact time but there will be lunch! Haha! But I dun mind not having the lunch part . The most exciting part was the cancellation of contact time which just mean that I could get my afternoon nap and get rid of my fatigue. That was just what I did when I got home this afternoon.

Got most of my stuff cleared. Well, there's more actually. Will get it done by Thursday cos if possible, I do not want to bring anything back on Fri. I wanna cheong after school!! It's so going to be over! Goodbye stress, for at least another week or two.

Date: Monday, July 21, 2008
Time: 4:21:00 PM

Been a few days since I last updated. Been kinda busy with school stuff and duties. And so, surprisingly, I managed to clear week 4! Went thru one official observation with the NSC and 3 recordings for MOE! Even Mediacorp artistes do not go through such a tormenting moments. Well, I did and I survived. There will be another lesson observation tomorrow and I am pretty slacked right now. Will do the prep in a while. Just need to execute the ideas I had in mind and plant that 'praise my students no matter how small their efforts are' mentality on my mind!

After tomorrow, I'll be literally free from my responsibilities. It will be time to clear my work station and get ready to cheong on Friday! As much as I am on a slack mode this week, however the tigress in me has yet to die. I can still scold my gals though I don't shout. I just love that reserve psychology thingy. Lol!

And so, last Friday I went home quite early and slept pretty early too. Honestly, I am sleep deprived and my body clock is out of order yet again! It seems like the body knows that I am going back to NIE thus, it functions the usual way it has always been. Imagine, sleeping at 3-4 ish in the morning yet being able to wake up at 7 am and the cycle continues..? Partly, this is why I am kinda tired lately.

So I woke up at 5.30 am on Sat having slept at 8 pm the day before and waking up at 1.30 am bedore sleeping again at 3.30 am. Yeah, very confusing but that was what happened over the weekends. I continued watching some movie on YouTube before doing my reflection and reading the papers. So, after I keyed in the last words to my reflection, it was time to shower and get ready for the NE show.

The gates of heaven decided to open up upon reaching school. And it opened up again 15 minutes before the show ended. So, its kinda a wet NDP show/rehearsal. (Photos have been uploaded on my multiply though many are still on my hard disk.) Left school at about 10 pm and reached home about an hour later. Had a nice warm shower before hitting the sack at 3.30 am. And was awake by 7 am the very next day. Urgh...!

Went for facial with the sleeping partner. Haha. And I really had good sleep while having my facial! We went to Lil' India and Far East yesterday. Quite happening cos we 'played' live Mario games (if you know what I mean) and 'reminiscing' BKK with the food spread at Nana Thai. And shopped at Mustafa. Macam TA dah over like that! Hahaha..

And so, today was Racial harmony day. Guess the theme for the school this year was Punjabi costumes as everyone was almost decked in one. The cutest was the PE department when each of the teachers wore sarong and singlet plus sticking moustaches. With the Good Morning towel at hand, really looked like the mamak selling teh sarbat and kacang putih. Hahha.

Yes, 4 days to go... I am counting down real hard. Praying hard to fall sick on Sat so that I can get MC and skip the seminar. Want to go JB on Sunday and fetch adik after that. Adik, lets have fun again!!!

Date: Thursday, July 17, 2008
Time: 5:54:00 PM

As hectic as week 4 started, the week gonna end as busy as it started. I am so gonna be dead, really!

And, I have this feelings that this week seemed pretty long! Well, 6 more days and everything will be history. I gotta hang in there...

So, why did I say the week will end with another busy time? Well, I gotta re-do the recording cos of the technical glitch.. I am so bored with the recording thingy! Only God knows how tired I am, having already gone through 2 recordings... The CTs said I look natural on video. Well, I gotta agree with the first recording. But during the second recording, I was stiff caused I'd already lost momentum and fatigue has sets in. So, explain the stiffness in me.

And, apart from that, I gotta plan for week 5's lessons cos I am going solo next week. And, one observation on the card next Tuesday.. and now I kinda of on a honeymoon period. Hehehe.. Saturday will be burnt cos I am accompanying the P5 gals for their NE show. My NE co-ordinator rocks big time la! She tried to find spaces to fit me and my friends in, so sweet of her. And of course, I gotta do my reflections. I so going to be dead la... Bila nak game ni semua??!

Today, the CT treated me and the other CT to briyani at Islamic Restaurant. The briyani portioning is super huge! And I tried my very best to finish the food though 1. I am no fan to briyani. 2. I am no fan to rice 3. I feel so bloated. As I am typing this, I am still feeling so full! Ok, I am super sleepy.. gotta do some research.

Date: Monday, July 14, 2008
Time: 6:34:00 PM

The lesson observation went pretty well, I must say. Well, perhaps according to the NSC's standard. But in my eyes, I kinda screwed it up! And I am really upset. Thank you gals for making my observation a failure! This is one reason, I lurve teaching boys!! Naughty as they might be, still I can managed them better. I rather have the naughtiest bunch of boys compared to the most angelic and demure gals!!

If I could bring myself to tell the truth to the NSC, I would have blurted everything out. However, because I do not want to have a bad relationship with the people involved, I decided to keep it in myself and tolerate with all these sufferings till at least for another 9 more days! If I had went through 15 days already, what is another 9 days?? Am I right?

So anyway, I was given good comments except for my lesson planning which yeah, I know its my fault. Cos I wasnt told what to teach and focus on for today. And honestly, there wasnt clear communication on the time-table and so on... yeah so I am going to put this observation aside and improve on my weak areas.

I am thankful to God that I had a very nice and a wonderful supervisor. She called me last night to reassure me that everything is going on fine and I need not worry. She told me this is just one of the very first observation that I will go through and there are many more. There isnt any grade to be given so I needn't be that stressful. She could sensed that I wasnt myself last night and this morning she asked me again if I am alright. At the end of the lesson, she told me my stress is over, but I told not as yet cos today is a long Monday for me with the recording to go on later in the day.

And to make my day even worse, my P4s... disappointed me greatly when they make me do retake after retakes. Kaoz! Gals, I am so damn tired k... and tomorrow you people better dun make me lose face again! And do you gals know how pressurising it is to be watched by other people for the recording?! Please k gals... you ppl better not disappoint me!

Ooh the official time clocked for the sleeping hours was 8 hours in two days! I was trembling during this morning's assembly. And weirdly enough, I became awake after the observation! Yeah, if I did not become awake... only God knows what will happen. Haha...

Today... I so going to sleep to my hearts' content! Tmr.. I will resume work. That's me, more often than not, loves to declare unofficial holidays!

Date: Sunday, July 13, 2008
Time: 3:36:00 PM

I am going to blog what's on my mind right now before getting back to my lesson preparations in a short while. I need at least 2 hours break to read the papers as well. As you read it right, I have yet to read today's paper though it is already way past half past three in the afternoon!

As you know, I am undergoing an immensely amount of pressure right now. Ever since last Friday, to be exact. Life have been turned upside down out of a sudden. And, honestly speaking... since TA starts, the weekends are spent at home in front of the PC trying to finish up whatever work that is pending and planning for upcoming weeks' resources. And, not to mention.. weekly reflections!

Like I mentioned earlier, I cried last Thursday cos I could no longer stand the pressure I was facing. And some things happened on that day as well, so understandably, this Piscean here became emotionally disturbed and the only solution was to have a good cry.

I slept late into the night on Thursday though I had school on Friday morning. I tried with all my might to finish up my slides so that I could do a dry run with my girls on the very next day. I thnaked Nad, for helping me to find and convert a Tamil song. At the same time she introduced me to a webby which had made my job slightly easier. However, I couldn't finished the slide on time due to technical glitches but other than that most of the resources were ready.

I had put aside family obligations just to get things done. But, my hard work and commitments weren't appreciated. In fact, she gave me a smirk look when I told her the truth that the slides aren't ready cos of some technical glitches. Cos of that, I am hurt. I am not asking for anything, I am not asking for returns but all I need was an understanding from her.

All these stuff that I did are supposedly meant to be their work. But, here I am helping them out and there they are getting the name for this. I dun care if this happens cos at the end of the day I am just carrying out my responsibility. But, at least.. learnt to understand my current situation. After all, I am just human. I have feelings and I need my life.

There is nothing in this world that is a surety. We, as human propose BUT it is God who disposes. You might think that I am your permanent replacement, but at the end of the day this will be confirmed and decided only upon my graduation in a year's time. I am not your slave driver for God's sake!

And yeah, one more thing.. that guy from Singnet was really a screwed up case! He told me on Wednesday that my Windows were corrupted but I had this strong feeling that he doesnt know what he's doing or saying! So, I consulted Kevin and we met up today. I was right, that nothing was actually wrong with my lappy. And, because of that time was wasted and many things were left undone. Just imagine the agony I went thru thinking that my lappy was in deep trouble?!

And since I was at Vivo this afternoon, I went to run some errands and got stuff for my observation tomorrow as well as the recording. And, I am OFFICIALLY BROKE! AM just thinking if I should claim from my LDS fund or just wait for iPhone to be sold here and use that fund to cover the cost...

I slept at 3.30 am this morning BUT was jerk out of my sleep at 7 am!! And I have been awake since then! I really have a lot of stuff to print and prepare... so I guess, I will end it here and start reading the papers before I start work again!

I wanna get my beauty sleept tonight. Wanna look good for the sup and also the recording! Though I hate the thought that I will be on camera, but that doesnt mean I would look like a haggard bitch for all others to view! This is so not going to happen lor! Anyway, I always have been on camera during Cikgu Tajul's lesson presentation.. so what's new with tomorrow??! haha..

Whatever it is, I pray to God to give me the strengths that I need and also pray that everything will proceed on smoothly. I am not going to be a coward and take MC just because I am nervous, scared and pressured. Even if I do make a mistake tomorrow, I will learn from it cos failure is the mother of success. Insya allah semuanya akan berjalan dengan lancar. Amin.

Date: Saturday, July 12, 2008
Time: 9:04:00 AM

Last Thursday, I had a very good cry. I could no longer sustain the amount of pressure that I was holding on. Many have said that TA isn't as stressful as TP. But in my case, I am going through hell. I simply hate it when people gave me last minute work, make me decide on what to do and after carefully thinking and planning, they threw out my ideas and hard work and used theirs'.

Last Thursday, everything came to the point where I could no longer took it anymore, thus explaining the abundant supply of tears that rolled down my cheeks. And, after that cry.. the situation couldn't got any better, when the sup e-mailed me to inform that she's coming down on Monday to observe my lesson. And, she'd picked the P3's! And, I am the first that she's so going to observed! And, on that day, I've the recording thingy! And, my CT is the one who loves doing last minute planning! What the F**K?!

I so hate what I am going through right now... Its another 2 weeks, I kept on telling myself. But, I still have a life to live on... I am not a slave driver! And I am so tired, simply put.

Yesterday, I had 6 periods of back to back lessons! And I was suddenly down with flu! And I am so sad that life has gone this way...

I pray and will continue to pray that everything will proceed on smoothly. Time will fly when you're having fun! Whatever the fun, I so going to lead myself on for the next 2 weeks, at least!

Date: Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Time: 6:06:00 PM

The week is getting crazier as TA is approaching the final lap. Just got news that, I'll be video cam for one of my lessons! Please, spare me this agony!! I dun need the 30 minutes of stardom! And I so hate seeing myself on video! And if the video is Okay-ed, I am dead cos the whole teaching fraternity (primary) would see and laugh at me! Yeah, exactly like how I laughed at my former teachers and bro when I saw their video. All these are karma. What goes around, comes around. Upset.

So apart from that, work is piling up yet again. But today, I left school smiling at myself. Not that I'd gone bonkers or what but I am so relieved that at least I know my CTs and students appreciate my presence. The P4s still rawks my world and all the hard work designing the lessons paid off. Alhamdullilah.

Still wondering when will my supervisor come down for the observation.... and I'll activate my stress mode again! Haiz...

I am so stress!!!!!!

Date: Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Time: 5:20:00 PM

Today, marks the beginning of the crucial 3 weeks. Today, I had the longest 5-7 minutes of fame in front of the "act-cute and able to laugh only" gals! Damn!

But, the 10 years old gals are more responsive and they like the PPT slides that I had prepared for them. Good for them and good for me! I'd really hope my supervisor will come in during my class with them. Really.

So, contact time was cancelled today (or perhaps never even in the plan)! That just spells happiness for us, trainees! I mean, out of the 100% that they share during those 2 hours plus, maybe only 1% is applicable to us. The rest... only God knows why we are there for!

Ok.. I am sleepy... 1 day down, 13 days to go!!!!!

Date: Saturday, July 5, 2008
Time: 11:01:00 PM

This week has been topsy-turvy. And I am really exhausted. It has been a tough week indeed.

So, this week marks the end of week 2 for TA. That means another 3 weeks to go and where co-teaching and observations come to play. Since Monday, I was busy with my reflections, lesson plans, resources and of course the fun fair event. Tuesday was a long day cos of contact time and by Wednesday, I was really flat that I went home at 2 pm and went to sleep immediately upon reaching home.

As a result, I stayed in school till about 4.30 pm on Thursday to finish up whatever work I have and also designing for the department's stall. Designing is simple cos I dun have to think of words to play around with. All I need was colours and when I am stress, I really do need the colours to cheer me up.

On Friday which was yesterday, I went to school as usual. But upon reaching school, I received news that my paternal uncle has lost his battle against cancer of the nerves. And, I am and never the one who can handle such news well. I was lost momentarily. I didn't know what to do especially when I was all alone at that time. Finally, I opened my mouth and told my CT about it. She told me to inform the VP and be excused. I did went for the first two lesson observations before going back. Anyway, lessons were suspended after that because of the fun fair preparations.

I rushed home after that and made my way to Clementi. I met many of my relatives whom I had not seen for a long while. And not to mention the cousins cum playmates at the old Bukit Merah estate. I didn't really catch up with them as I was sticking really closely to my cousins and aunts. But, my arrival was loudly announced by the nephews like a loud hailer.

Adik saw me yesterday beaming with joy but later he told me, "niari adik tak nak geng bibik jaja!" I told him fine! And so anyway, adik and I can never meet. We'll always ended up fighting for no reasons cos we like to get on each others' nerves. But I could see he was upset and torn betw staying with the other kiddos or following me home ystr. But due to my busy schedule, I had no choice but not to offer him an invite. Sorry adik, you're irritating k!

That wasnt the story anyway. My cousins and I decided to follow to the cemetery. But the bus left w/o waiting so a cousin of mine dropped us off at the mosque while he made another trip with the kiddos after the Friday prayers. While waiting in the bus for the guys to pray, there was this man who entered the bus and sat with us.

We don't know him and apparently he was unsound. It was pretty traumatising being in the bus with him for almost an hour while waiting for the guys to complete their prayers. And my gila cousins had the time to entertain this guy. haiz.. luckily the kids wasnt with us or else I can't imagine what will happen.

The bro wasnt with us cos he was outstation. And somehow he's spared from the scrutinising

moments of the aunts! And I wasn't. So anyway, I missed out registering for my modules yesterday.

I left Clementi right after the prayers at about close to 5 pm. I didn't even eat despite the aunts and cousins' offer to eat. And I had not eat anything the whole day. I was just so tired to even it. In fact, everything took place suddenly that reality has yet to sunk in.

I reached home at about 6 plus and had a really long shower. Had my dinner and watched some TV. I started completing my reflections till about 1-ish in the morning. Then, I had to design a menu list again because of the changes in price. And my damn print artist cant save the initial design, so I had to redesign. I had to do some administrative stuff till close to 2 am before my laptop created some problem when it refused to shut down.

I finally slept at 2-ish and was awake at 7 am to get ready for school and the fun fair. Like it or not, I am not spared from the event. That's the con of being a trainee; you're not spared k. Yeah, everything went on well. I left the fair at 3 pm!

By the way, ystr the CT told me that she had highly recommended me for a permanent posting. So, insya allah.. I'll be there for good. I enjoyed the environment and kids so hopefully the plan will materialise thought this wasn't even within my imagination.

So now.. I am going to plan my lesson plan and submit to the relevant parties.

Date: Thursday, July 3, 2008
Time: 6:17:00 PM

All I can say is.. I am super shagged. I am really tired like crazy. Another reflection to complete, 10 lesson plans to finish. 3 observations to go, 1 fun fair event to manage. Shopping for lesson resources to be done. I am so tired!

Pressure and more pressure. And I am at an all time haggard looking state. Please let me get through this phase safely.

Date: Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Time: 9:04:00 PM

I am really exhausted right now. Suddenly, the workload starts to increase like nobody's business! Funfair, reflections, lesson plans, lesson resources and probably the visit by one top gun from MOE! I wondered if I can last for another 3 1/2 weeks. I really need a break!!!!!!!

So anyway, alhamdullilah the sup commented that I'd exceeded expectations for my reflection 1. Thus, I have to be even more mindful with what I am going to write on this week. Haiz... I am not sure if I can complete it with all the ongoing that is surrounding me! I can do it!! I have faith in myself!

This afternoon, the CT had a heart to heart talk with me. The topic was on relationship. And, I've gotta agree with what she said. And, I no longer regret what had happened. The word of advice from the veterans are always true. Ok.. I am going to do some work before my eyes really shut on me.