Date: Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Time: 12:06:00 AM

Last night, he came by to disturb me. Yes, our "scandal" ended right before my KL trip last Dec. It has to end before I fell deeper into the 'net'. Furthermore, he was doing his final yr thesis and its only right that I do not disturb him. It was till yesterday everything started again.

Well, I least expected him to come back. But he came. But why should I cling on some hopes with him when by right I shouldn't. And chances are, we could never be together. Maybe because I am indebted to him for saving my life. Remember, how he saved me from being knocked down? And perhaps thats why he has a special place in my heart.

But I am trying to be good. Trying not to be the third party. But, its hard.

Bestfriend,

Honestly... I never want to lose you. I rather we remain as friends than we take this friendship a step further and should we are not meant to be we have to part. Never am I going to make that happen. You're too precious for me to let go. You brought laughters and joys into my life. Shall we just remain as friends? Cos, friends do not leave each other in the lurch. And, you know I won't do that to you no matter how you irritate me and I know you won't leave me struggling even if I irritate you all the time. That's why I say you're my Bestfriend!

*************************************

And so, I am still thinking about the latest issue. I kept asking myself, am I ready for it? I tried to visualise this issue. Somehow, I couldn't fit that person in my current lifestyle. I am still searching for the answer...

I still want to lead a life of independence. Going to and fro without having to "report", going somewhere with whom I wish, going somewhere with the bunch of guys whom I have known for so long, doing the things the way I like, spending my holidays with my adik, and sleep/wake up as and when I like. In short, I control my own life.

Being loved is a good feeling, But the hurt caused from playing with the fire of love has yet to fade. Ooh... these feelings are so shitty! Will I have the answer when it is due? Only God knows.