Date: Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Time: 5:31:00 PM

Most of my projects are completed and submitted. All I am left with is my individual assignments as well as the mugging sessions/late nights revising for my 2 major exams after almost 3 years.

It was sigh of relief now that all the projects are completed. And, I am amazed at how I procrastinated and how I managed to complete 109 slides of a presentation porject within 4 days. And, how I managed to complete my ICT package in one whole day putting my heart and soul into it. I am amazed at all these achivements because despite the days I procrastinated, the days I idled, the days I cried myself to sleep, the days that my emotional outburst were at its highest note, the days I sacrificed, I managed to meet the dateline and the amount of praises I received from the higher ups were excellent! It just showed how much my work is being appreciated by people. I am glad that all these time wasnt wasted and I am glad that my creative juices oozed out at the very moment I badly needed them. Alhamdullilah.

Right now, I am just praying very hard that my brain juices are still there and able to co-operate with me as I embark on my essays and mugging sessions. I am just so worried that my brain would refused to co-operate at times of emergency. hahaha...

And, one thing for sure... I am aiming to go into becoming a Creative designer in the near future as 'D' suggested about a year ago. Yeah, but my art still SUCKS big time! Lol...

Despite all these, I am proud to say that I do come up tops in designing competitions. And, the last competition that I took part in, I was given a day to produce my masterpiece though logo design wasnt my forte and I wasnt exactly interested.. still, I got a prize for that! lol... Can't help it.. the traits of a Piscean! Lol...

Alrighty, gtg and hit the books again!

Date: Thursday, October 25, 2007
Time: 11:27:00 PM

Ever since PBL ended, life was coming back to normal, even though for the shortest time ever. PBL has taken much of my life, has caused me distress, emotional outburst, etc. After the presentation on Tuesday, I was more than glad that it was all but over.

So, after days of sacrificing sleep and rest time, I decided to just put everything to a momentary halt and just sleep. For the first time, since entering school this semester, I slept way before the clock hits 11 pm on Tuesday.

Ever since one module came to a conclusion last week, I could finally go back at 2 pm yesterday. Went for grocery shopping and went home to whip up some western food for lunch. Lunch was heavenly. And, sleep was the top priority!

I took a nap at around 5 pm. Woke up shortly before Mahgrib. And, I was still feeling restless. At around 8 pm, I started sneezing. Thinking that it was sinus, I couldn't be bothered. But as time zoomed off towards the night, I was proven wrong. As I did my final touch for the presentations that were due the very next day, I started to sneeze till my voice went hoarse. It was seriously hell of a sickening experience!

I was looking for medicines high and low and to make things worst, I couldn't find it! And I went to sleep without any medication which just mean one thing, I will wake up with even serious sneezing today! However, luckily my mum have some supply of flu medicines hidden somewhere. And because of the presentation that I had, I took the risk and downed two pills. No doubt I was drowsy from the effects of the medicine, but I am proud to say that I survived! Phew...

Got good comments from the lecturer though there are areas of improvements. Glad that presentation is over as well. So, test is up next week and the learning package as well. Haiz.. Gonna slog the week for these two items!

I reached home shortly before 4 pm today. After washing up and just a slight 5-10 minutes on the PC, I decided to sleep; putting the medicines that I took earlier on in the morning into effect. Thinking that I would probably wake up at 7 pm. No, I didn't.. practically I was knocked out till around 10.30 pm! It was all because of a sms! WTF!

And now, I am getting back into reality and trying to do the final touch up for my learning package!

Date: Saturday, October 20, 2007
Time: 10:15:00 PM

Finally, I took some time off to unwind. Rather, to do some shopping that I have been procrastinating for quite a while now. Life have been super hectic that I could hardly lead a normal life anymore.

Date: Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Time: 8:28:00 PM

Keeping silent does not mean I am fine with what's going on.. When you say sorry does not mean I am fine with it. Sorry does not mean some magic would be created either. And, I am really upset right now. Because of some people's irresponsible attitude, I am being blamed even by the man who's my pillars of strength.

Its a few more days to that big day.. yet nothing has been done. If I were to do everything myself, wouldn't I be jeopardizing my own workload? I have already sacrifice my perfect record and I am not going to sacrifice it once more! It took me a few days to get over that previous issue and anymore of these craps would inflate my self-esteem even further.

I seriously felt like crying.. I almost jeopardize another assignment this evening. I almost wanted to cry... and thinking about this reminded me of what he said to me. I have got to learnt to trust others and learn to let go.

But does he ever understand what I am going through right now? Today I almost blew my top at someone who almost 'crushed' my hard work. But I am seriously upset.

For those who knows me, they would know when I suddenly remailed silent for no reason, it just simply means that I am utterly upset and disappointed. Unfortunately, right now.. it seemed that not one single human being knows about it. They still think I am fine with the whole issue.

Any moments from now.. my tears will just flow down my cheeks. Am I on the right track?? I am upset that even he blamed it on me...... Exams is coming and I have yet to revise. And... I just feel like disappearing right now..... Will someone take me away?

Date: Monday, October 15, 2007
Time: 1:04:00 AM

I hate what I am doing right now.. simply hate it! Nostalgic feelings hits me hard these days. I missed all my eye candies.. Did I make the wrong choice?

Exactly a year ago, I took the bold step. To end what I was doing then and do what I am doing right now.

After 3 1/2 years of non academic involvement, integrating back into the system is kinda tough. Some days I felt like giving up but there are some people who kept me strong with their constant encouragements.

I am just thinking.. if I had not went back to school, my relationship with that somebody would have not been rekindled. His return has caused much misery into my life. I know deep down I had fallen for him. But I also know that between us is impossible for two reasons best known to us. As we tried to stay away from each other, we ended up being closer each time. I want to erase you from my memories but in actual fact, he's the one who has been my pilar of strength. So what should I do? Accepting someone else is near impossible!

************
Last Thursday, I didn't do much apart from staying back in school till quite late and went for a shopping sprint to get my shoes and handbag. Didnt do much school work cos I was really sleepy. I was knocked out by 11.30 pm.

Wake up real early on Friday morning to complete my Reflection 4 before getting ready to shop for my Raya clothes. So last minute, to the extend that my clothes have to be bought on the eve of raya! Haiz...

Went from shops to shops without getting a decent clothes. Wanted to splurge on something exclusive but nothing caught my eyes. In the end after hours of walking around, I got a yellow kebaya. Haiz.. again YELLOW!

After buying some other necessary stuff, took a cab home to start on my lapis moscovis. Last minute my mum requested that I baked Tapak Kuda as well. Haiz.. And, I didnt do much work that night. After baking which ended at 11 pm, I showered and laze around on my bed sending festive sms-es. Before I knew it.. I was fast asleep at about 12.30 am. When I woke up, plenty of sms-es were left unreplied. *Grins*

Watched some TV before getting ready to go for the annual tradition of visiting. After that when I got home, I started to attempt Reflection 5 but before I knew it.. I was falling asleep in front of my laptop. Yawns...

Woke up on Sunday morning and completed Reflection 5, revamped my lesson plan, sort out my notes. Pure madness.. luckily, there's no school tomorrow. Another day to attempt to complete the never ending assignments. Haiz...

Adik called me this morning to give out warnings. He warned me not to let anyone play his toys.. Like real only! Hahaha...

Now I am so sleepy and so many things are left undone. Haiz... I need to sleep!

Date: Thursday, October 11, 2007
Time: 11:09:00 PM

I am really upset. The feelings I have in me right now was exactly how I felt when I got a B3 for my 'A' levels Malay paper on the first attempt. Which wasn't my fault because I remembered I changed my writing style because some bugger said that my style (which in actual fact was the right one) was going to bring down my marks. In the end, listening to the bugger cost me my marks. And sad it was, the results was released on the eve of my birthday.

This time round, though I expected to fail.. somehow if I had followed my intuition, I would fared better. Instead, I missed the grade by 2.5 points. Though this test constitutes to only 10%, I am still very much affected by the failure. I am quite depressed because if I had not been doing some people's responsibility, I would have enough time to revise my work. It just doesn't pay to be kind.

He would be disappointed if he found out how badly I have done for my test. And, I don't know how to break the news to him. This failure is a wake up call for me yet at the same time it brings about this question.. "Did I make the right choice?"

I don't regret this choice that I have made but some people are instigating me to slack. I have waited for almost 3 years for this and that is why I am putting in all these extra effort. If I ever give up my 3 pillars of strength would be greatly disappointed. And, not to mention 'C'.. For these 4 people, I will continue to hold on till the end. But, please continue to give me whatever lil support you all could to spur me on..

Date: Sunday, October 7, 2007
Time: 7:19:00 PM

It had been a while eversince I last updated my blog. I almost forgotten about its existence due to my hectic school commitments. And yes... school has been extremely crazy. Its really total madness and with the semester almost coming to an end, the going gets even tougher.

A lengthy report and Reflection is due next Wednesday and I am sitting for a test on that very same day. On top of that Hari Raya is around the corner and my clothes, shoes and accessories is not even ready! Can you imagine that?? Well, hopefully I will get a solution pretty soon.

One presentation is up a few days after Raya, the learning package is due for checking in a few days time... Two presentations will follow the week after and I have zilch information for one of the presentation. How should I go about that??

Another presentation will be up the week after and 2 more individual assignments to be done. And... 2 MAJOR exams in mid November!! How crazy life is for me right now... 2 more reflections due for submission in 2 weeks time. And, I might need the psychologists real soon!!

Anyway, albeit the hectic schedule, I took some time off yesterday to meet my buddy, Atie and off we went to JB as planned like some 4 months back. But seriously, yesterday was really a disappointment for the both of us. And we're really bothered by it that we are upset because of it. So Atie... so sad right??

But that disappointment were covered with the good company we had. It had been a while since we last saw each other. And, spending almost the whole day together was indeed fun! But its really tough when we have our own commitments to oversee.

We 'broke' fast at Vivo where we saw several ex-Ji-ans which seemed like as if we have arranged for a meeting over there. Hahah..

Anyway, I really had fun albeit being disappointed and tired and sleepy and stressed out. Now.. I am going to finish my reflection 4 and do my revision. Then, I will think about what to wear for Hari Raya.. lol..